A key difference between managers and leaders is that managers instruct, while leaders coach.

Instruction is telling someone how to do something. Coaching is helping them to find an answer.

A long time ago I determined that I could either focus on becoming the best business leader I could be, or the best software developer I could be. As evidenced by the volume of questions Justin has had to endure from me lately, I chose the business route.

This decision had a great impact on my leadership style. Because I am no longer in the codez day-to-day, I am no longer in a position to tell anyone how they should code a search algorithm, what Ruby gem they should use, or how best to do anything code-related frankly. Note the use of “should” a number of times in that past sentence.

Using the word “should” implies that I know what is best, and you do not.

If you’re a manager, go ahead and keep using “should” in your conversations. If you are a leader, remove it from your vocabulary.